Zimbabwe: 2018 – the Cure, the Bizarre and the Chicks


The year 2018 will be remembered for bringing the bizarre, the unexpected and a fair dose of hilarity with it. Zimbabweans, in pursuit of their respective goals took paths that left many in awe.

The contentious ‘cure’

Prophet Walter Magaya of the Prophetic Healing and Deliverance (PHD) Ministries gathered the media and his congregants to make what could be one of the most controversial statements in post-independence Zimbabwe.

He told thousands at the PHD fifth anniversary in October that he had found the cure for HIV and AIDS in a herb called Aguma. It did not take time before his announcement split national opinion. Others gave him the benefit of doubt while others dismissed him outrightly.

Authorities clamped down on him, and the prophet had to retract his statement in full view of Health and Child Care Minister Dr Obadiah Moyo.

It was then announced that the medicine will now undergo proper registration procedures to ascertain whether the cleric’s claims were fact or fiction.

Experts warn that it may be long until the nation gets closure on the matter.

Thomas Mapfumo’s rude awakening

After spending 14 years in exile, Chimurenga Musician Thomas Mapfumo returned home.

The initial homecoming show in April was a success owing to the nostalgia that people held over a long absence by the celebrated artiste.

It was the second bite of the cherry in December that almost choked Mukanya.

His tour was a disaster, with reports of glitches, which had become almost expected.

In Gweru, he failed to perform due to electrical challenges and had to compensate at a later date.

Kariba and Beitbridge dented his standing as fans were left bitter.

For a man, who used to pack stadiums and auditoriums, 2018 gave us a hint into the waning invincibility of the phenomenon that Thomas Mapfumo once was.

Microwave legal expertise

After the July 30 elections, opposition party MDC-Alliance challenged the outcome.

The challenge ended up in the Constitutional Court (Concourt), whose sessions were beamed live on ZBC, in what was termed a historic development in Zimbabwe.

Thanks to the televised proceedings, many transformed into overnight legal pundits.

They got intoxicated with the legal jargon they heard, even mundane social conversations were punctuated with phrases like “Your Worship,” “Your Honour” and other Latin words, which were uttered as Zimbabwe’s top legal minds argued in our full view.

Zimbabweans on the Internet went into overdrive rating lawyers’ performances, despite being bereft of the technical competence in the legal field, but it was permissible.

It was the beauty of democracy and free expression being shown in the full glare of the world.

Egg and bacon electoral promise

Still related to elections, a learned engineer Peter Munyanduri ran for the Presidency.’

He had the most unorthodox of manifestos, which brought with it a number of curious promises.

In the run-up to his campaign, he assured Zimbabweans that if they place legible ink next to his name in the election, they would eat eggs and bacon on a daily basis.

His argument was, a balanced diet is a sign of good governance.

In another pledge that confronted logic with defiance, he pledged to reduce the prices of upmarket houses to less than $1 000 for first-time buyers.

Sadly, rousing the appetite could not gather him enough votes. He lost the election.

Pure Simango at the Commission of Inquiry

The Commission of Inquiry attracted a number of volunteers, who came with information on the fateful August 1 disturbances.

Zimbabweans from all walks of life graced the panel with versions of what transpired on the day.

However, one stand-out was Pure Simango, the kombi driver at Copa Cabana gave such an animated narration that the commission and interpreters had to pull out a map of Harare for him to illustrate in comprehensible terms.

He delivered his account in raw street lingo; even interpreters had a torrid time.

Although the import of the commission was not a laughing matter, Simango’s appearance at the Motlanthe Commission of Inquiry could pass for a comedy clip.

Rogue chickens

In Bulawayo, an unusual phenomenon was witnessed early in December.

Tired with day old chicks shortages, breeders in Bulawayo looked for alternative sources.

It led them into the path of one Amadi Nyathi, who sold them what our sister paper Chronicle, termed “fake broilers.”

The chicks had weird characteristics, despite their extreme stunted growth. They fought viciously and had an insatiable appetite.

Up to now there are questions on what these creatures were, if they were not real broilers.

About 8 000 odd chicks were sold to unsuspecting breeders, who after four weeks of intense feeding had chickens weighing 100 grammes, instead of the expected 1,2 kilogrammes.

2018 was a year that had its fair share of bizarre humour giving life to the statement, there is never a dull month in Zimbabwe.

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Publish date : 2019-01-02 07:24:12

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